Today I would like to introduce Kyle and Tammy Gabhart. They have a Christian ministry called Equip Your Marriage. Tammy is sharing her marriage story:
November 7, 2012 my life would start on a journey I never expected! It was early in the morning and I had my suitcase in hand waiting on my sister for a trip to visit family members in Tucson. Kyle had been traveling a lot and the night before, he had been away on business. He got up that morning and I could tell that something didn’t seem “normal.” I asked him what was wrong and he told me “nothing,” but I kept pressing him, and all of the sudden he admitted to me that he was not happy in our marriage. I was SHOCKED, hurt, baffled, and totally thrown off my path.
Fast forward a month and our lives were completely shattered. My children and I moved in with my parents and I was looking at divorce…again. I was heartbroken. Kyle was my “dream man,” my “soul mate,” how did this happen? Through some of Kyle’s Facebook posts, (who posts love songs while you are about to go through a divorce?) and through an old phone with some forgotten texts, I found out Kyle was having an affair. He was seeing a co-worker. THAT was like a sharp knife through my heart and out my back. I was in complete and utter shock.
Fast forward on December 16, 2012. We were to meet at Starbucks to split the assets, which wasn’t a lot seeing how we were coming up on our 3 year Anniversary in a couple of weeks. When we met for coffee, he had no idea I had found out about his affair. People were telling me to keep my mouth shut because I was desperate for the money he was going to give me to get back on my feet. BUT, the Lord had other plans. I ignored people’s advice and I confronted him. He was like a deer in headlights. He lied at first, then he admitted it, but said it had only happened once. Finally he came clean and confessed. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me, but I felt like the Lord filled me with so much grace that I was willing to take him back and work on it. The next day he asked me to lunch. I walked into the home I had just moved out of a couple weeks earlier and there he was, down on one knee with a rose in his hand. He said that if I would take him back, he would spend all of 2013 making it up to me. That’s exactly what he did!
The next year was the worst and also the best year of our marriage. God redeemed us both in ways we couldn’t quite imagine. We got real, we got raw, and we got down and dirty cleaning out our respective closets. We started learning what marriage was really about and laying a new foundation for our relationship. But there was a lot of hurt to work through. I spent hours crying the pain away. Many days Kyle found me curled up on the bathroom floor sobbing and wondering what to do with all the hurt. There were days I spent searching his emails and texts, trying to make sure he was not in contact with her. I was paranoid beyond words. I lost every ounce of trust I had for him. I didn’t believe the words he spoke, but I did trust God.
God met us in a profound way. Through mentors, prayer partners at church, and scripture, God had given us hope for our future together. I knew that through this pain that I was experiencing, God would make something beautiful out of it….and He did. He taught us how to communicate and how to listen to one another’s feelings. We learned that if we keep HIM first, He would heal us. It’s a long process, but he continues to heal us every day! God has created beauty out of our ashes. I’ve not completely forgiven Kyle and I’m not 100% healed, but I’m close.